One of my polls on LinkedIn turned out way too interesting not to write a guide about. I asked “Have you ever had an abusive client?” in Freelancer Friday poll 186 (yes, I’ve run it once a week for 3½ years by now!) and there were 96 responses. A good amount to draw some statistics from and design a guide on how to deal with an abusive client as a freelancer.
A whopping 55% of freelancers admitted having dealt with an abusive client at least once. 14% were not sure if the client had indeed been abusive or not, and only 31%, i.e. less than one-third, said they hadn’t experienced abuse from any of their clients so far. The number is alerting, don’t you think!?!
These results led me to think that more than half of the freelancers (regardless of their years of experience in freelancing) haven’t found a way to avoid working for abusive clients. Therefore, I thought this article might do some good.
If all you can do is scream for help, you won’t be any better than a silly character in a Monty Python film.
The most important part is to keep your cool and stay professional… and a few other big things specific to the context of freelancers working for their clients. You’ll see soon enough.
Abusive… what???
Let’s first define what we mean by “abusive client.” In the poll, I didn’t specify exactly what it meant, so freelancers responding to it got to imagine what they consider “abusive.” If you dig around for just a second, you find all sorts of customer service training materials on the topic, for instance, for call centers of different kinds. How do you deal with a person who uses abusive language and acts offensively toward you? There are some ways to go, but let’s differentiate first what makes someone an “abusive client” or an “angry client.” These two are different.
Let’s look at angry clients first. The person screams or uses a loud tone, expresses anger and frustration, and generally complains about everything you have done.
An angry client might scream at you. But it’s screaming only.
All this can be countered with professionalism, explaining what you have done and why, and perhaps promising to redo some work to make the person calm down. Maybe the whole thing was a misunderstanding or a communication mix-up, maybe part of the issue was indeed on your side just for a tiny bit. You need to assess that. Listen carefully without interrupting to allow your client to calm down. They won’t scream for long, screaming takes a lot of energy!
Abusive clients are different in terms of the level of intensity and especially of responsibilities. They probably blame you for everything, call you names, and launch personal attacks to undermine you not just as a professional but as a person. The choice of making it personal is the biggest difference to an angry client.
Whereas an angry client would complain strongly about what went wrong as a result, abusive clients complain about you! This, of course, is not professional, and usually, these types cannot find an objectively valid point that you could argue for and against in an intelligent, civilized manner. Therefore, for them, the only way to express their frustration is to get personal. The lack of professionalism is indeed a trait of abusive clients that you won’t find in other types of difficult clients.
Abusive clients will launch personal attacks and blame you for everything.
How to manage a screaming client who launches personal attacks and uses abusive language? Keep calm and remind yourself it is not about you. Even if the client is calling you names, the real issue isn’t you really.
You can calmly point out that the client passed a certain threshold where things are kept professional and that you would love to get back to professional mode. You can also assure you’re here to help the client despite a sudden burst of abusive language, and you can work it out together after getting back to professional conduct.
You can be the better man/woman, show professionalism in your conduct, and thus, lead the situation out of the confrontation by example! Sometimes, however, there’s nothing you can do as the person is stuck in his own mind. Usually, it is the lack of control, the fear of failure, and similar negative feelings that just won’t stay inside the person. Some control their emotions better than others.
If everything else fails, it is OK to eject from the situation and wish all the best to the client. You can also put things on pause until the atmosphere becomes more productive for proper discussion and you can communicate it clearly.
How to deal with an abusive client as a freelancer
The above tips work as immediate help in the very situation where your client turns abusive, e.g. a phone call or a Zoom meeting. But there’s more to know because, in a freelance project, everything affects everything. If the business deal is fantastic in your favor, you might be willing to tolerate more. And vice versa, if the project only pays peanuts, why would you care to take all the crap? Just quit and move on.
In a freelance project especially, these issues are a matter of power dynamics in a freelancer-client business relationship. The one with the money can “squeeze” harder than the one doing the work in most cases. It happens. In some cases, a strong freelancer might not need the client as much as the client needs the freelancer. In that case, again, it would be easier to just walk away.
Being emphatic can pay off – sometimes.
Here are a couple of points on how to deal with an abusive client as a freelancer when things go sour.
1) Most importantly, choose carefully who you work for. Screening and selecting clients is the most important part by far! When the need and the payoff match, it’s easy to do good business in a way that the client is happy with. Bad matches lead to misery (and indeed repression). When you’re on the same level, it’s easy to establish mutual respect which keeps even highly emotional clients professional most of the time.
2) Create realistic expectations. Fail here, and you end up in a scope creep, probably. Make sure you won’t end up in a scope creep. Promise realistic results and realistic timelines. Include a margin for unexpected things. Be sure to communicate if certain parts are vague and must be discussed and defined as work tasks later on in the project.
3) Put things in black and white, set up a contract that outlines what you will be doing, and list what you will not be doing, i.e. limitations. (The Limitations part has saved my ass more than once, that I can tell you!) This requires management skills and the fact that you know what tasks need to be carried out to meet the goal of the client.
4) Communicate effectively. Be clear and precise in your communications with the client. Nobody likes to waste time, so every email, every message, and every Zoom call needs to achieve the maximum in terms of getting your points through and understood, in the minimum number of minutes.
However, you don’t need to have a stick up your butt. Sometimes being a funny guy is a good idea to make the client feel relaxed. Also, making yourself likable is always a good idea. But you must read your client… some people have no sense of humor at all.
5) Focus on delivering what you promised… and a bit more! Overdelivering is one of the best ways to make clients happy and keep them returning. When delivering something extra is done at the end of the project, it leaves a good memory in the client’s mind and perhaps some issues earlier on are forgiven more easily.
6) Stay professional no matter what. You’re always the better person even if the client loses all professionalism. Yes, even if the client is childish, amateurish, abusive, egocentric, etc. you keep your cool and keep going until your commitment is fulfilled.
Afterward, of course, all bets are off and you may consider not doing any work for the same client ever again. On freelance sites, after everything is clear and paid for, and all issues are resolved, it is fine to set a reminder for yourself to block the client a couple of weeks after the competition of the project. Just block so you won’t encounter the same person twice.
What if everything fails?
Yes, it is possible that despite all your efforts, things won’t get better and the client continues to abuse you. In those moments, remember that you’re a freelancer, you don’t have a boss. You don’t have to put up with anything when the client crosses the line! You can just quit.
If you have a bilateral contract, it is probable that if you choose to quit, you won’t get paid. On freelance sites, different rules might apply. On Upwork, for instance, if you had a fixed-price project, you basically need to choose if you want a project paid and get a bad review (you know you have it coming), or give a refund and keep your track record clean but lose the money. Hourly-paid contracts are different and if you have used the Upwork Desktop App and Payment Protection, you most likely get the money. But you will suffer from a bad review.
If everything else fails, just walk away. It’s OK not to take all the crap!
That’s it. I hope the above helped you to deal with abusive clients. I do hope you never encounter them, but if you do, keep calm and keep going no matter what. Don’t let emotional and unprofessional folks get under your skin. Keep freelancing, keep learning, and keep winning despite all these kinds of obstacles. You’ll be fine!
